they say

They say that I do not think enough, I do not think before I speak. That I do not appreciate enough, I don't see what's behind their actions, what's behind their words. That I do not care enough, that I don't listen enough.

Sometimes, it's not even about not doing it enough, sometimes they say that I don't do it. Period.

My question nowadays has only been...when will I ever be enough? When will I ever just be what you want?

And most importantly, when will I be able to become who I will be?

holds

i went on an impromptu shopping trip today after work and for once in a very long time, i found items that were on my to-get slash shopping hunt list that i haven't been able to find in a long time. and i also walked out of the mall with nothing!

here are a list of things that i found:

Forever 21: Blazers $29.90

comes in ivory, black, mustard, amber, pink and teal
personally a fan of the ivory and amber (light pink)

Garage: Jeggings $39.90

the one that i have on hold is a dark red, maroon-like. the only thing really holding me back from this is its comparison to the H&M ones i found (how it's low rise, really stretchy, and from a brand that i don't usually buy pants from) 

H&M: Pants $29.95 

so much cheaper, but very much high rise and a much stiffer fabric

H&M: White blouses (I only found the top one but the website has so many other options that look alike and are slightly cheaper) 

vs 

they pretty much look identical to me...besides the button detailing. 

anyway, the blouse and the pants are all on hold for me until tomorrow so i have to decide. it's still coming up to a grand total of about $80, without any blazer. 

BUT it's also my birthday on saturday so maybe it'll be my gift to myself.

who am i kidding. one of my girl friends texted me saying, "do you NEED them?" 

Of course not. Not really. Maybe. Perhaps. 

shoe-aholic

i am now officially...a shoeaholic.

not that i never was that, but i can fairly say that after this past month, i have bought 4 pairs of shoes, 3 of which were heels and all were from naturalizer.

why naturalizer? because they fit my feet so amazingly well. it's like when you find the one store that sells clothes that just flatter your body shape and hug your curves the right way. it's like that now, but for my feet.

anyway, i guess i should really get it out there. the first things that were probably my biggest shoe purchase and courtesy of my parents (so technically, i didn't buy them) were my new birks:

i am a serious fan and have been very hesitant for years. one big reason: price. it never made sense to me to pay more than $50 on a pair of shoes that i knew would only last my feet a couple of seasons. birks have been popular for years now and although i'm really not into the Gizeh look (the one t-shape kind), i felt like this could make up for the natural bulky look of birkenstocks. i have almost successfully molded them to my feet's shapes and desires and until then, it's still a small pain to break them in. 

the next three are from naturalizer. i have no regret, no shame and no remorse. they all fit wonderfully, i've worn the black ones already and they lasted a night of standing at this club (i was there for an event, okay) 

sparklers and campfires

tonight was probably...yes, it was the first time i unintentionally stayed out. there was an engagement bbq party at a friend's for two friends and it just went all night long. all i can say is, i am very grateful that i got the spend the time having a good time and not having to go home right away. also, some friends are just the best -- you can trust them and have these kinds of impromptu events.

the title refers to the fact that i may have held a sparkler by the wrong end and got burnt on my index and thumb of my left hand, as well as the fact that i smelled heavily of campfire. t'was a good night.

here's to good deals!

found this sweet pair for $11! it was originally $54.50, priced down first to $32.99 then somehow found itself at $16.99 AND with an additional 40% off.

and that's all for now!

song of my heart

So this is it
My search is over
You've filled a void I wasn't aware of

Every wrong door and its wrong exit
I'll finally accept it
'Cause it led me to you

Oh my heart's home is you
The fiction I've dreamt of is finally reality with you
And you make me so happy
That I'm scared to move
Honey I love, love you

So this is love
I must not have known it
I don't know what right I've done to deserve this

So let's get married tomorrow
Cause I can't stop trembling
I've done enough waiting
Wanna be there with you

Oh my heart's home is you
The fiction I've dreamt of is finally reality with you
And you make me so happy
That I'm scared to move
Honey I love, love you

tweetdeck

does anybody else know about TweetDeck? am i the only one finding out now?!


i installed it on my computer at work and it's basically one of my favourite downloaded app/program/desktop amazingness. for those who stumble across my blog and also have no clue what tweekdeck it (thank you!), it's basically a program that you download onto your computer and it opens up as this separate window from everything else (internet browser, word document, etc. basically its own thing). it has unlimited! columns, similar to a twitter feed but you can customize to your preference. you can create "lists" of people on twitter, so only their tweets appear in that list column. you can also add a column for a specific twitter account so they have their separate, unique column on your 'deck' and you can also see your replies/interactions and people's tweets all on the same window! it's pretty awesome and i do applaud the creator and whoever came up with the idea. now that that's all said and now, there there are still some pros and cons.

PROS

• besides everything I listed above in that paragraph full of long run-on sentences...? just the availability and easiness of use. The deck has a black background, which for me specifically is a pro because I like the variability between sites with black or white backgrounds. For example, Facebook white, Twitter can be changed to black. Or dark colours. 
• It is its own separate window. I am fortunate enough to be working at a place where browsing social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter are not exactly prohibited, but neither encouraged. Also, I follow a few of my coworkers on Twitter so it's kind of great to be able to see a part of them in social media. Back to the point, when I have a lot of windows open or tabs open in my Internet browser, it's a little annoying to have one of them be Twitter and I just find it a lot easier having it separate from everything else. That way, it stays closed when needed and I can maximize it when I have some downtime. 
• It also updates automatically, unlike Twitter. I don't know if it does the opposite for anybody else, but my Twitter website prompts me to load new tweets. TweetDeck just does it! 

CONS

• What about MY tweets? There doesn't seem to be a column or even an option to view your own tweets unless you click to view your profile. I like being able to click on my profile and at least see what I've been tweeting, it gives me a good idea of if I'm retweeting too much (so guilty of this), or only replying to people instead of tweeting my own tweets. toomanytweetsinaparagraph
• I just realized how selfish and arrogant that first pro title would seem but moving on...(I promise I am not that way), @Me - this seems to be the column that only lists tweets that are directly to you, as in "@insertyourusernamehere talk talk talk tweet" but that's very similar to the "Interactions" column. That lets you see all of your interactions, just like @Mentions on the regular Twitter newsfeed, so I don't entirely understand the point of it, just a teeny bit redundant. 
• The dark background. I know I listed this as a pro but at times, I do wish it was a lighter shade or at least had the option of being a different colour. Customize-able! That's one feature of the Twitter website that's pretty handy. But this isn't even worth mentioning compared to all of the wonderful other features about it. 

I got the inspiration to write this from my using-TweetDeck these last couple of days (literally yesterday and today) and also some Twitter articles I had stumbled upon through a friend on Twitter. Social media really does have its benefits at times. 

patties

Or patty's?

I believe it's the first one. I was waiting for the subway to come when I noticed one lady taking a bite out of a pattie, most likely bought from the local subway station shop. I didn't make a deal out of it until I noticed another lady, munching away on hers while she waited a couple of feet away from me. I'm a people person, but I'm also a people observer. Hopefully that will explain any future utterances that make me sound like a creeper when really, I take in a lot of information when I look at people. She had a laptop bag that looked pretty full as well as a purse and had this rushed kind of expression on her face. For some reason, this weird observation of two women eating patties while waiting for the same subway train to arrive made me think..."What's so good about patties anyway?"

(I looked it up and it's patty singular and patties plural. Jamaican mahn.)

I guessed that it was because it was either a quick dinner or a snack on the go, because those little patties couldn't pack in THAT many nutrients and good stuff for your body. Other reasons include the simplicity of a patty, the availability of it, the taste, the fact that it wasn't too messy or too crumbly when being eaten, so on and so forth.

Anyway, that was just my two cents of thoughts for the day that I made sure to make a mental note of so that I could write it here. That last sentence was so poorly written...I don't even want to go back and fix it up.

I also ended up on the escalators twice today without realizing. The first time, I was more interested by the reason why two women were just standing at the very end of the stairs leading up to the bus platform, and down to the middle platform between buses and subways. But I had found myself caught there too previously, because it's the last place you get cell reception without going completely underground. The second time, I forced myself to stay put instead of climb or descend after realizing that I was once again on an escalator.

Oh, and I've also excluded the elevator at my work place from this use-stairs! goal. Partly because the only way for me to get into the office from the stairs is to hope somebody opens the door when I knock. I don't have the keys/swipething to get in. The other possible reasons is because small, more enclosed-like stairs and 3+ flights usually don't go well in my brain.

And to think, I was going to try and do the CN Tower climb sometime. Oh, wishful me.

the reason Why

I started this particular blog with a very high goal: become one of those fashion blogs that inspire people. But I've known for a long time and still do that it's not something...I can so easily attain. And now that I've taken from time off from all of my Blogger blogs, I've come up with a new goal, a goal I had initially set as a "New Year's Resolution" but let it fall through just a week later.

To write more.

And not about things that make me see hipster or cool or intelligent or unique, but things that are just me. Things that occur to me, that I think, things that I find interesting or just quirky or that make me laugh. Things that I do or say or want to live by or remember a few weeks down the road.

For instance, I've recently established a new goal for myself:

Use stairs, not escalators.


I don't know about you but this one's a little hard, for many reasons:

1. Escalators are faster. 
2. Stairs means more exercise. 
3. Escalators are faster.
4. More exercise means being reminded that I am out of shape. 
5. Escalators are faster. 

But despite these reasons, I put myself to the test, starting today actually. And I am proud to say that day one, my friends, was a success. Now onto day two. 

for the summer time

a couple of things i picked up...

Spring List

I've been meaning to list it down somewhere and since I've got some time on my hands before dinner tonight, I figured I would put it here on my supposibly fashion/style-oriented blog. This is basically going to be an entry dedicated to items that I would like to save up for this spring (most, if not all...as I am writing this and not planning to scroll up and edit this section...will be items from Gap. quite frankly, it's because I work there and in all honesty, their spring stuff is so, so lovely).

On we go!

1. Red pants: I've been eyeing these pants since the shipment shift when they first came in. I finally got around to trying on a pair and I was reassured once again that red is one of the best colours for me, colour-wise. Regular price $79.95

Since we're on the topic of jeans/pants and Gap, I've been meaning to snag a pair of dark wash Real Straight jeans, black Always Skinny and hopefully a distressed pair of skinnies this summer (I'd bought my first and only pair of distressed jeans the first summer I worked at Gap and they are hands down my favourite pair...which might explain why I haven't worn them very frequently either). 

2. Lightweight infinity scarf (in pink heather): I've written it out pretty specifically because this scarf has a full list of why it needs to be purchased by me sometime in the near future. First, it's lightweight and sheer -- perfect for spring. Second, it's a muted pink-rose colour, which usually isn't the colour I would go for but I figured that if I was going to start being more bold with my colours this season (aka get red pants), I should also try to get some more nude into my wardrobe as well. It also contrasts nicely with my skin, instead of washing me out. $19.95

3. Colour blazer: Colour, in this case, means red. This ponte blazer also comes in a bright green and purple but who was I kidding, thinking that green would work. I haven't tried it on yet and it looks a lot more coral-like in the picture and also in person, so we'll see how well it'll work out. I'm realizing that with what colourful items I'm getting, the only things I can think of to match them are a pair of denim jeans and a white shirt. I'm boring sometimes. $79.95

4. Oxfords: These are the Soft lace-up oxfords in grey. Mind you, Gap shoes are not the best for long work shifts or even days spent walking for hours on end. BUT they are cute and also have succeeded in putting out these shoes. I admit it, they're cute. They also look so practical, as in they can go with anything. I'm boring, once again, so I figured I would go with the grey ones. They've also got this muted pink colour that I could see myself settling with. $59.95

5. The perfect Oxford shirt: The story behind getting this shirt would only be understood if you knew what happened to my previous blue dress shirt. Short story: it got bleach spotted and was not only completely light blue. This seems like the perfect alternative and shirt to take its place and it's really soft and wearable in more than one way. $54.95

6. Brown leather jacket: I'm adding this one in as last, because it's definitely the one staple item that I've been hunting for, for the longest time. I recently found one that fit well and seemed to work but it was listed as $300. I shop a lot and all but it's still hard for me to put don $300 for one item right away. My black one still works fine for me, but I've been really digging the dark brown, brown colour for leather jackets in the past year at least.

There you have it. Now the wanna-be-fashionista is satisfied and I can go check in on dinner because I definitely want some food in my stomach, stat. Hope whoever you are stumbling across this page enjoys the read and the pictures! The first 5 are from Gap.com or Gapcanada.com whereas the leather jacket is inevidently from Danier.

- S