they say

They say that I do not think enough, I do not think before I speak. That I do not appreciate enough, I don't see what's behind their actions, what's behind their words. That I do not care enough, that I don't listen enough.

Sometimes, it's not even about not doing it enough, sometimes they say that I don't do it. Period.

My question nowadays has only been...when will I ever be enough? When will I ever just be what you want?

And most importantly, when will I be able to become who I will be?

holds

i went on an impromptu shopping trip today after work and for once in a very long time, i found items that were on my to-get slash shopping hunt list that i haven't been able to find in a long time. and i also walked out of the mall with nothing!

here are a list of things that i found:

Forever 21: Blazers $29.90

comes in ivory, black, mustard, amber, pink and teal
personally a fan of the ivory and amber (light pink)

Garage: Jeggings $39.90

the one that i have on hold is a dark red, maroon-like. the only thing really holding me back from this is its comparison to the H&M ones i found (how it's low rise, really stretchy, and from a brand that i don't usually buy pants from) 

H&M: Pants $29.95 

so much cheaper, but very much high rise and a much stiffer fabric

H&M: White blouses (I only found the top one but the website has so many other options that look alike and are slightly cheaper) 

vs 

they pretty much look identical to me...besides the button detailing. 

anyway, the blouse and the pants are all on hold for me until tomorrow so i have to decide. it's still coming up to a grand total of about $80, without any blazer. 

BUT it's also my birthday on saturday so maybe it'll be my gift to myself.

who am i kidding. one of my girl friends texted me saying, "do you NEED them?" 

Of course not. Not really. Maybe. Perhaps. 

shoe-aholic

i am now officially...a shoeaholic.

not that i never was that, but i can fairly say that after this past month, i have bought 4 pairs of shoes, 3 of which were heels and all were from naturalizer.

why naturalizer? because they fit my feet so amazingly well. it's like when you find the one store that sells clothes that just flatter your body shape and hug your curves the right way. it's like that now, but for my feet.

anyway, i guess i should really get it out there. the first things that were probably my biggest shoe purchase and courtesy of my parents (so technically, i didn't buy them) were my new birks:

i am a serious fan and have been very hesitant for years. one big reason: price. it never made sense to me to pay more than $50 on a pair of shoes that i knew would only last my feet a couple of seasons. birks have been popular for years now and although i'm really not into the Gizeh look (the one t-shape kind), i felt like this could make up for the natural bulky look of birkenstocks. i have almost successfully molded them to my feet's shapes and desires and until then, it's still a small pain to break them in. 

the next three are from naturalizer. i have no regret, no shame and no remorse. they all fit wonderfully, i've worn the black ones already and they lasted a night of standing at this club (i was there for an event, okay) 

sparklers and campfires

tonight was probably...yes, it was the first time i unintentionally stayed out. there was an engagement bbq party at a friend's for two friends and it just went all night long. all i can say is, i am very grateful that i got the spend the time having a good time and not having to go home right away. also, some friends are just the best -- you can trust them and have these kinds of impromptu events.

the title refers to the fact that i may have held a sparkler by the wrong end and got burnt on my index and thumb of my left hand, as well as the fact that i smelled heavily of campfire. t'was a good night.

here's to good deals!

found this sweet pair for $11! it was originally $54.50, priced down first to $32.99 then somehow found itself at $16.99 AND with an additional 40% off.

and that's all for now!

song of my heart

So this is it
My search is over
You've filled a void I wasn't aware of

Every wrong door and its wrong exit
I'll finally accept it
'Cause it led me to you

Oh my heart's home is you
The fiction I've dreamt of is finally reality with you
And you make me so happy
That I'm scared to move
Honey I love, love you

So this is love
I must not have known it
I don't know what right I've done to deserve this

So let's get married tomorrow
Cause I can't stop trembling
I've done enough waiting
Wanna be there with you

Oh my heart's home is you
The fiction I've dreamt of is finally reality with you
And you make me so happy
That I'm scared to move
Honey I love, love you

tweetdeck

does anybody else know about TweetDeck? am i the only one finding out now?!


i installed it on my computer at work and it's basically one of my favourite downloaded app/program/desktop amazingness. for those who stumble across my blog and also have no clue what tweekdeck it (thank you!), it's basically a program that you download onto your computer and it opens up as this separate window from everything else (internet browser, word document, etc. basically its own thing). it has unlimited! columns, similar to a twitter feed but you can customize to your preference. you can create "lists" of people on twitter, so only their tweets appear in that list column. you can also add a column for a specific twitter account so they have their separate, unique column on your 'deck' and you can also see your replies/interactions and people's tweets all on the same window! it's pretty awesome and i do applaud the creator and whoever came up with the idea. now that that's all said and now, there there are still some pros and cons.

PROS

• besides everything I listed above in that paragraph full of long run-on sentences...? just the availability and easiness of use. The deck has a black background, which for me specifically is a pro because I like the variability between sites with black or white backgrounds. For example, Facebook white, Twitter can be changed to black. Or dark colours. 
• It is its own separate window. I am fortunate enough to be working at a place where browsing social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter are not exactly prohibited, but neither encouraged. Also, I follow a few of my coworkers on Twitter so it's kind of great to be able to see a part of them in social media. Back to the point, when I have a lot of windows open or tabs open in my Internet browser, it's a little annoying to have one of them be Twitter and I just find it a lot easier having it separate from everything else. That way, it stays closed when needed and I can maximize it when I have some downtime. 
• It also updates automatically, unlike Twitter. I don't know if it does the opposite for anybody else, but my Twitter website prompts me to load new tweets. TweetDeck just does it! 

CONS

• What about MY tweets? There doesn't seem to be a column or even an option to view your own tweets unless you click to view your profile. I like being able to click on my profile and at least see what I've been tweeting, it gives me a good idea of if I'm retweeting too much (so guilty of this), or only replying to people instead of tweeting my own tweets. toomanytweetsinaparagraph
• I just realized how selfish and arrogant that first pro title would seem but moving on...(I promise I am not that way), @Me - this seems to be the column that only lists tweets that are directly to you, as in "@insertyourusernamehere talk talk talk tweet" but that's very similar to the "Interactions" column. That lets you see all of your interactions, just like @Mentions on the regular Twitter newsfeed, so I don't entirely understand the point of it, just a teeny bit redundant. 
• The dark background. I know I listed this as a pro but at times, I do wish it was a lighter shade or at least had the option of being a different colour. Customize-able! That's one feature of the Twitter website that's pretty handy. But this isn't even worth mentioning compared to all of the wonderful other features about it. 

I got the inspiration to write this from my using-TweetDeck these last couple of days (literally yesterday and today) and also some Twitter articles I had stumbled upon through a friend on Twitter. Social media really does have its benefits at times.